I felt so much better today. We rode up the Passo Pordoi and it felt kind of easy. Of course it was technically much easier than yesterday. And we’re back at the same hotel again tonight so we didn’t have to carry everything. But I was thinking that maybe this is the Day 4 Phenomenon. I’m pretty sure it happened the last 2 years around day 4. When my body just kind of surrenders. Like, okay, this is what’s up. Metabolism adjusting, new capillaries forming maybe. Welcome to the new normal. And now things are easier. The Day 4 Miracle. Just hold out for 4 days and you will adjust. I wonder what else it might apply to in life.

We passed some honking geese by a pond. “There’s your animal.” Gabriel said. I think I was holding out for something else, but when he said it, it was like yeah, ok. A goose. The ride was easy enough that I could really take in the view this time more than ever. It was overcast and cold, as usual, and the fog rolling in over those jagged mountains made it all feel kind of–I don’t know–Macbethian. In spite of that I felt grateful. What an amazing life I have (we have) that I get to choose my torments (for now, for the most part). I don’t have to scavenge for food and water. I get to have a hot chocolate when I get to the top of this thing. I felt so good riding that its kind of strange that today is the day I cried.

The top was at 7000 feet altitude. Actually I didn’t get to have a hot chocolate then, because once again we had to play Beat The Rain. But I wasn’t even that cold. Once again I’m thinking: Day 4. My body is being more selective about the discomforts it wants to bother me with. We rode down, which was almost fun because it wasn’t as steep as the earlier days and I could let down my guard just a fraction. 33 hairpin turns, though. There were signs to tell us that. At the bottom the rain was really coming down, so we ducked into a cafe. Finally, hot chocolate. We still had much farther to go on the planned ride but the rain wasn’t having it and secretly I was relieved. No, actually I was thrilled. No buses, we had to call a taxi. Expensive but who cares. THIS. This is what I work for. To have the money to pay for a taxi that will take us and the bikes rather than to ride another 30 kilometers in this freezing cold rain. Some tough German motorcyclists came into the cafe while we were waiting. Even they couldn’t take the rain. Gabriel was still pondering when we might be able to re-do this ride, because its supposed to be beautiful, but I was already thinking about a hot shower and maybe a grappa.

I’ve never been happier to see a taxi arrive in my life. Gabriel chatted with him in his Span / Italian while I stared out the window on the way back. Suddenly I’m tired again, weary. I didn’t cry until we had showered and gone out to get some food. Gabriel is so perky right now. I’m not. We sat down for some paninis and wine and I just wept. “We have another 7 days. I don’t think I can do it.” He tried to console me. Really its only another 5 days of riding and then we go to Amalfi. And tomorrow won’t be hard. And the day after that is a rest day… “Just let me go through my process, okay!” I said to him. I’m trying not to let the group of Italian teenagers next to us hear me. They are all arriving in shifts and rolling cigarettes and even as I’m having my meltdown I’m thinking: “Don’t do it, kids. Don’t start the habit.” But they’re doing their self-annihilation and I’m doing mine. Live and let live.

Its raining again. But tonight we will watch the World Cup final and we will be warm somewhere with a glass of grappa. That’s all I know today.